Backstage to Centerstage: A Dirty Rotten Retrospective

This past Saturday, we had the 10th and final performance of Dirty Rotten Scoundrels. I’ve blogged about the show from the auditions, so it’s only fitting that I wrap things up with one final blog. Below is a quick (ok, really damn long and boring) summary of my leading lady experience and some little backstage stories and mishaps because who doesn’t like bloopers?!

A Night in the Life of Christine Colgate

Actors are required to arrive at the theatre an hour before showtime. But let’s back up, first it takes me about an hour to curl my hair, do my make-up, and squeeze into panty hose and spanx at home. Ugh, I really loathe curling my hair because it takes forever and no matter how much hairspray I use, my hair has gone flat by intermission. Grr. Then, we hit the road and it takes roughly 30 minutes to get to Longmont. So even though the call time is 630pm for evening performances, my preparation starts at 445pm.

Evan and I show up, sign the call sheet, and I start preparing. The first thing I do is take my final costume and set it up in the stairwell to the light booth in the lobby. Then, I go about setting my props. I don’t have many, but I’m kind of OCD and I have to check them about 5 times to ensure that they are actually where I think they are. After that, I place my costumes on stage (well, in a hallway) as all my costume changes are super fast and take place just behind a curtain. They have to be in the proper order with buttons, zippers and belts un-done for easy changing. I then check these about 5 more times before curtain.

  

Now it’s time for vocal warm-ups. To this day, I have no idea what the complete lyrics are to the Oscar Mayer theme song (it was a common warm-up finale). Must be my aversion to bologna.

  

Next...I do nothing for about 30 minutes. Since my hair and make-up are already done, I just hang out and do nothing until curtain. Once we are underway, I help move a bench on and off stage, but that is all I do for the 40 minutes after the show starts. Then, during one of the big numbers when everyone else is on stage and not in the dressing room, I go and change into costume. And then…I sit for another 20 minutes.

Finally, FINALLY, after about 40 minutes into the first act, it is time for Christine’s grand entrance. I stand in the wings, trying really hard to not be nervous…and not to be seen by the audience through the awful sightlines. “She’s here!” And that’s my cue and away we go. One tiny line and then starts the song with which I have a problematic past. After huffing and puffing through the song, smacking people way harder than I was supposed to (Christine and Linda are quite clumsy), the song is done and I’m in full show mode. No more nerves, all business.

  

After another song, one I can actually sing(!), it is time for intermission. At this point, I relax even further. All my songs in Act II are duets or little interjections here and there – the hard stuff is done. Well, except for the 3 really fast costume changes. Thank goodness I had the help of a cast mate because they would have been impossible otherwise. Some more songs, a tango, fake crying, and then comes my favorite part. The part that I’ve been keeping secret from all of you that don’t know the show. SPOILER ALERT: It is revealed that I am the Jackal and have managed to con $50,000 from the best two conmen in the French Riviera. It’s quite empowering actually. :) Sometimes I was even applauded as I dashed out of the theatre with my briefcase full of money. By far, my favorite part of the show.

 

Then I come back with a whole new persona and all three of us dirty rotten scoundrels are reunited for the finale. By this point my hair is flat, I’m sweating through my panty hose, my make-up is pretty much all sweated off, and there’s a sense of accomplishment that we made it through another show.

  

All in all, playing Christine was fun! It was also time-consuming, stressful, challenging, and at times, terrifying. I’m glad that I auditioned, I’m glad I got the part, and I’m glad to be done. Lots of people will jump from show to show, but I will be taking a break. It had been 3 years since I last performed on stage, and it may very well be that long again. It’s hard work! In the meantime, I will be seeing lots of fabulous shows and getting my theatre fix from the audience. Phew! All done…and now…

Tales from the Wings:

• Every night while waiting for the show to start, a few of us would be huddled in the stage left entry way (right by the band). The overture starts with a big bang/pop/drum hit/whatever, and every night, without fail, I would have a heart attack and jump on that first beat.
• There are several crosses by hotel staff during the course of the play. Each time they are carrying something interesting. One night, an actress was scooting a large clothes steamer across the stage when the top popped off and water went everywhere. Luckily, another actress was passing by and just magically happened to be carrying a roll of paper towels. Divine intervention.
• Acting in the dark is really fun, you should try it sometime. We did, several times, but most notably on Industry Night when the light board decided to stop working. Some scenes were totally in the dark and others had light coming off and on and I started playing a game called “try to run into the light before it goes off.”
• What does Beauty and the Beast have to do with Dirty Rotten Scoundrels? Nothing, except this most awesome video we viewed one day in the dressing room. Hey girl!
• Boob money. Sadly, I never got to have any.
• You see that weird piece of foam with green painted sea-shells glued to it? Oh, that’s escargot. No, really, it looks great.
• What’s that? You can’t hear us? Oh you mean, you can't hear 1 person singing over a 9 piece band? Oh, you can’t hear us over the extremely loud scene changes? Well, shut up, we’re creating theatrical magic here people!
• Finally, you know you have one heck of a funny show when the biggest laugh of night is a re-written joke about Fort Collins.