An Evan Adventure: The California DMV...bum Bum THUD.

Hi, I'm Evan. Linda's husband and lifecoach. I thought I'd take over Linda's blog for a moment and recount my day(s) at the DMV for your reading pleasure. It's funny in the last line of Linda's DMV blog, she mentions "horror stories." This is one of them. Here's my DMV (in Glendale) experience:


• I scheduled my DMV appointment for 2:20pm on Monday.


• I arrive at the DMV at 2:10pm. I drive around for a literal 20 minutes trying to find a parking spot.


•Meanwhile, I have never seen worse driving then I do when I visit the DMV. People are cutting other people off, going the wrong way down one-way isles, not signaling, road rage, etc. I think the DMV should have a camera on the parking lot and automatically fail anyone who is being an idiot. There would be a lot of fails.


• I finally find a spot, on the street, about 3 blocks away from the office.


•I finally get in the appointment holder line at about 2:40pm. I'm given a license form to fill out and get my ticket; A029.


• While, I'm waiting, I overhear that the computers are down so there will be a slight hold up. This is a reoccurring theme with the Glendale DMV.


•I try to figure out the order in which they are calling numbers. The numbers are labeled A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H and J (no I, for some reason). G's got called at a higher frequency than any other number. There was a good 30 minutes between them calling A028 and my number, A029.


•I make note that no one around me is speaking English.


•After an hour or so (at 3:40pm), my number is called.

•I tell the lady I need to get California plates and get a California license.


•Time for the eye exam. I cover my left eye. I read the sign perfectly. I cover my right eye and briefly can't figure out why I'm having trouble seeing the sign. Is my left eye that much worse than my right, even with glasses on? No, you idiot. You still have your left eye closed. Ah. That's better. I am stupid.


•The lady informs me that the written driver's exam will stop testing at 4pm. So I have less than 20 minutes to get in line to take my picture and get in another line to take the test. Super.

•Also, since I am registering my car, she tells me I need to have it inspected by one of their people. Only they stop the inspections at 4:30pm. So assuming I get into the driver's test before 4pm, I have to take the test and then go walk 3 blocks to retrieve my car and bring it back to the building all within a half hour.

•I get in line to get my photo taken. The line, to my surprise, moves fairly quick.

•They tell me to take my glasses off for the photo. I've always found this odd since I am legally required to drive with my glasses on. Plus, it's my signature look.

•I get in line for the test. By this point it's minutes away from closing, but I make it in it! A few of the poor saps behind me, do not.


•The test facilitator (with a clear disdain for humanity) gives me the two-sided test and marks the back with a green line. Maybe he explained what that line was, but if he did, his accent (combined with his vocal apathy) prevented me from understanding.

•Like Linda I had studied using their (deceitful) practice test on their website. And after Linda told me about her test, I knew their was a good chance I wouldn't pass.

•The first side was easy. I thought to myself, maybe I'll pass after all! Then I got to the back side (with the green line through it). The questions were so vague and ambiguous that I didn't know what to choose. For example, one question talked about a scenario with a man and a white cane. It took me at least 5 minutes to figure out that he's a blind man! I thought he might be a stylish and sighted pedestrian who carries a white cane. No where does it say the word "blind" in the question. Is that not P.C?

•I finish, not feeling great about the ordeal, and get in line to hand in my test. I look at the clock. It's 4:25pm. I know I'm going to have to comeback tomorrow and start my registration process all over again. Joy.


•While in line, I notice other people have green lines through their tests. I also notice that those people didn't fill out the answers on that side. Does that mean I didn't need to do that side? Cuz that would be great. That side sucked.

•I get to the front and he starts grading. I miss 1 one the first side and he throws the test away. Huh. Maybe I didn't need to do the back side after all! Cuz, again, that side sucked.

•He looks at his computer, furrows his eyebrows, and pulls my test out of the trash. He flips it over to side two. Curses. I can't look. I can hear him making marks. He turns the test over, and puts an illegible number (letter?) on my test and throws it away again. I assume I passed, since he didn't tell me to come back tomorrow. It would've helped if the man actually cared enough to speak to me.

(As a side note, obviously the DMV doesn't care about you knowing the answers to these tests, otherwise he would told me which ones I missed.)

• The guy prints out my temporary license and sends me on my way (not with words though, as he still wasn't speaking to me).


• It's now 4:45pm. I head out the door deading that I have to return to the DMV the next day. This time, without an appointment.


• It's Tuesday. I get to the DMV 9am and go straight to the area where they do the VIN # inspections. The inspection goes quick. Apparently I should have done this the first thing yesterday. Would've been nice to know.


• Not bothering with the parking lot, I head 3 blocks away to my "usual" spot.


• I get in line with the non-appointment people at 9:30am.


• I get my number, B068, at 9:50am. I look at the screen to see the numbers and see that B017 had just been called. This can't be good.


•Uh-oh. Computers went down again. Big surprise, Glendale!


•I wait an hour and a half before a lady (who just arrived) sits down next to me and we start chatting. She tells me her number is J015. They just called J014. We figure out that the J's must be for people with a handicap and are called at a higher frequency for some reason. Within a half hour, they call her number and she is helped. Handicap people have all the luck!


•There's a lady doing a Holy Bible Crossword puzzle.


•At 12:50pm, 3 hours after I got my number, they call me up. I hand them my stuff.


•The guy has an issue because some of the things on my form are crossed out and corrected. I explain that the lady yesterday told me to intial it, and it would be okay. He said "I'm not her." Okaaay. It's going to be one those.

•He checks with is manager, and she says my chicken strach is fine. He processes the paperwork. I pay him a large sum of money, he hands my plates and I am on my way out.


Success?


I'd like to address a few points of the last paragraph of Linda's DMV blog:

-No, Linda, registering your car isn't just paperwork. It's a suckfest.

-Sometimes you have to go in without an appointment. When you do, it's a suckfest.

-No body likes spending time at the DMV . It's a suckfest, after all.

-It took you an hour? Hooray for you? Pfft. I'm not being your life coach any more.



Respectfully submitted,

Evan Gray Marquez