Evan told me that I should do a blog with quick descriptions of the different types of auditions I've been on. I responded with, "Well I haven't been on enough to fill a whole blog post." To which Evan responded, "Pft." So that's how this blog post was born!
The No-Dialogue Pantomime Audition:
One of the very first auditions I went on here in Cali was for a student film at some college in Oxnard. The script for the film was actually really interesting which is saying something for a student film. There was no dialogue in the short film, just music while you watched a bitter housewife make a poisonous cake for her cheating husband. So, at the audition, since there was no lines to read, we had to pantomime all the stages of baking a cake and general house-wifery. So I mixed batter, put the cake in the oven, folded clothes, cleaned house and smoked a cigarette (at the request of the director). She had a few props to use, but essentially I was just miming everything. I did it twice and that was it.
The TLC Audition:
What I consider my first "real" LA audition was for a TLC show called "Born on a Bad Day." For this particular audition I was given the scenario before hand and was expected to improv a scene based off of that. This was pretty easy, I'm pretty good at natural improv when given a complete scenario...obviously. Anyway, I sign in, wait to be called, give my headshot and resume, slate and begin my little scene. Easy peasy and a lot of fun. However, the casting office kinda smelled like cat pee.
The Wait a Monologue? Really? Audition
I auditioned for a pilot where they requested a comedic monologue. I dunno why exactly, but I find this odd. Usually projects have sides or scenarios to act out, but to have someone do a completely unrelated monologue was just weird - they also didn't film it which I find a bit unprofessional as well. I presume they didn't have their act together enough to produce sides and didn't know enough about the project to give a scenario to improv to. Anyhoo, I have an old stand-by monologue that I do that's pretty funny. Anyway, off I went and did my thing and then we discussed improv - they asked if I do it and I said yup and they said great. O...k...
The Inappropriate Improv Audition
I auditioned for a webseries about bad dates. The audition was improved because that was the premise of the webseries. So there was "bad date Ben" and I was the unsuspecting blind date. There were 2 girls that went before I did and I could hear the scenario and their reactions through the door. Well, let's just say that bad date Ben liked younger women....or shall I say girls...and that was the premise of the bad date. Anyway, I heard both of the girls take the easy route and react as a normal person would, so I decided that if my scenario was the same as theirs that I should do something different just to not fall into the same traps they did. I got the same scene and I probably came across as too aggressive and bitchy for the situation and it wasn't really that funny (because of course pedophilia is always a huge laugh fest), but hey at least I was different.
The Official Commercial Audition
I recently auditioned for a DirecTV commercial and it was my my favorite thus far. Except for the fact that it was in Santa Monica which is a bitch to get to from Burbank, the actual audition was fun. It was a doubles improv. We were paired up - a guy and girl - and given a situation to improv. We were a couple moving in with each other and wanted to get our DirecTV hooked up right away. My guy was fun to work off of and I think we did a great job. I was invited to this audition by the casting director so that made it feel a little more comfortable. There were a gajillion people there, but I didn't have to wait long and the whole thing went really smoothly.
So that's about it I guess. I'm pretty sure I forgot a few, but these were biggest and most memorable ones anyway. So if you ever wondered what the heck I've been doing with my time this is it...well a small, small fraction of my time anyway. :)
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Saturday, July 3, 2010
It's the 4th of July! Well, close enough.
I LOVE the 4th of July. It ranks right up there with Christmas and Halloween for me. Warm weather, BBQs, family, and fireworks! Growing up, it was always so hard to wait for it to get dark to start blowing things up. My brother and sister and I would be outside with the sparklers at 6 o'clock swearing it was gonna get dark any second. Before kids started blowing off their hands and ruining it for the rest of us, we'd light of our bag of fireworks in front of the house. Neighbors would come out and watch and light their own as well. A whole street full of roman candles was always quite a sight.
It has been a standing tradition for me to go see the fireworks with my dad. In fact, I think I still have the blanket in my trunk that would only be used once a year for watching fireworks. My dad and I (and eventually Evan) always watched the Northglenn fireworks show. It was close by and we had a system nailed down. We would park in the RTD parking lot on the other side of the highway and then walk over to EB Rains Park, blanket in hand. We would wind our way through the crowd and always find a good spot by the lake with a pretty close view of the fireworks.
Northglenn always, always, always shoots off their fireworks late. For some reason they insist on waiting until Westminster and Thornton (who's shows you can see from afar) finish their shows before starting their own - even though they were always scheduled for 9pm. Anyway, we'd watch the fireworks gleefully anticipating the grand finale and when it was all over we'd say how great it was and how they started late, but finished strong and walk back to the car.
Needless to say, this year I won't be able to participate in this tradition. So I went looking for fireworks shows around the valley. Burbank is having a show at their Starlight Bowl where a concert will be taking place before hand. And in typical California fashion, it costs money to see the concert and to park, of course. In fact, nearly all the fireworks shows charge admission! Combine that with the nightmare of finding parking and fighting huge crowds, the 4th of July has lost its luster here in CA. We might try to find a place to park and watch the fireworks from a distance, but because it's so hard to find free parking, we don't know how successful we will be. I'm a little sad at the situation and wish I could be in CO right now, but luckily next weekend we are headed down to Sea World for our anniversary and they have a nightly fireworks show.
I hope you all have a fun and safe Independence Day! Hooray for the USA!
It has been a standing tradition for me to go see the fireworks with my dad. In fact, I think I still have the blanket in my trunk that would only be used once a year for watching fireworks. My dad and I (and eventually Evan) always watched the Northglenn fireworks show. It was close by and we had a system nailed down. We would park in the RTD parking lot on the other side of the highway and then walk over to EB Rains Park, blanket in hand. We would wind our way through the crowd and always find a good spot by the lake with a pretty close view of the fireworks.
Northglenn always, always, always shoots off their fireworks late. For some reason they insist on waiting until Westminster and Thornton (who's shows you can see from afar) finish their shows before starting their own - even though they were always scheduled for 9pm. Anyway, we'd watch the fireworks gleefully anticipating the grand finale and when it was all over we'd say how great it was and how they started late, but finished strong and walk back to the car.
Needless to say, this year I won't be able to participate in this tradition. So I went looking for fireworks shows around the valley. Burbank is having a show at their Starlight Bowl where a concert will be taking place before hand. And in typical California fashion, it costs money to see the concert and to park, of course. In fact, nearly all the fireworks shows charge admission! Combine that with the nightmare of finding parking and fighting huge crowds, the 4th of July has lost its luster here in CA. We might try to find a place to park and watch the fireworks from a distance, but because it's so hard to find free parking, we don't know how successful we will be. I'm a little sad at the situation and wish I could be in CO right now, but luckily next weekend we are headed down to Sea World for our anniversary and they have a nightly fireworks show.
I hope you all have a fun and safe Independence Day! Hooray for the USA!
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Dad On Arrival
I know the economy is bad, but I think it's time to start paying our greeting card writers a little better in order to motivate them to put out better work. I was recently in the market for Father's Day and birthday cards and was extremely disappointed with the quality of greeting cards available to me. I'm not the type that buys the sentimental, sappy cards decorated with pastel flowers telling the recipient what a special and beautiful soul they have - those cards are already in their own special "crap" category. Conversely, I go for the funny, simple and sometimes offensive cards that accurately represent the recipient or the situation.
So as I was saying, Evan and I were looking for Father's Day cards and a birthday card for my brother-in-law. First, we checked out our grocery store while we were doing our weekly shopping. The selection was small and hugely un-funny. We picked up several cards hoping to be impressed, but we were nearly offended at the lack of wit and originality. Assuming it was just the small selection at the grocery store that was the problem, off to Hallmark we went.
Hallmark has a pretty large section dedicated to Father's Day so our hopes were high. After glancing through the section I wasn't even inspired to pick up a card to read it. I knew by looking at the 1/4 of the card cover that sticks out above the row under it that these cards were going to be craptacular as well. In addition to being boring, most of the cards usually fall into 3 different Father's Day themes: 1) Tools 2) Golf and 3) Butt cracks. Sometimes one of these themes will yield a slightly witty card, but not this year.
There is also a new fad in greeting cards called "cards with sound." Or as I like to call it, "Writers ran out of funny card ideas years ago so they are relying on music to do the trick." Well, I'm sorry, I just don't think my dad would be that impressed with a card that sings "Shake Your Booty." But the cards I like the most are the ones that allow you to record your own message. They are admitting that they can't sell any cards worth a damn, so they are just telling you to do it yourself and charging you a pretty penny to do so. Brilliant!
Needless to say, we walked out of Hallmark empty handed. Luckily, there is a cool little shop in Burbank that sells the Selfish Kitty line of greeting cards. I love these cards, but after several birthdays and other events, I'm running out of options with this somewhat small card line. This line of cards has great greetings such as:
So as I was saying, Evan and I were looking for Father's Day cards and a birthday card for my brother-in-law. First, we checked out our grocery store while we were doing our weekly shopping. The selection was small and hugely un-funny. We picked up several cards hoping to be impressed, but we were nearly offended at the lack of wit and originality. Assuming it was just the small selection at the grocery store that was the problem, off to Hallmark we went.
Hallmark has a pretty large section dedicated to Father's Day so our hopes were high. After glancing through the section I wasn't even inspired to pick up a card to read it. I knew by looking at the 1/4 of the card cover that sticks out above the row under it that these cards were going to be craptacular as well. In addition to being boring, most of the cards usually fall into 3 different Father's Day themes: 1) Tools 2) Golf and 3) Butt cracks. Sometimes one of these themes will yield a slightly witty card, but not this year.
There is also a new fad in greeting cards called "cards with sound." Or as I like to call it, "Writers ran out of funny card ideas years ago so they are relying on music to do the trick." Well, I'm sorry, I just don't think my dad would be that impressed with a card that sings "Shake Your Booty." But the cards I like the most are the ones that allow you to record your own message. They are admitting that they can't sell any cards worth a damn, so they are just telling you to do it yourself and charging you a pretty penny to do so. Brilliant!
Needless to say, we walked out of Hallmark empty handed. Luckily, there is a cool little shop in Burbank that sells the Selfish Kitty line of greeting cards. I love these cards, but after several birthdays and other events, I'm running out of options with this somewhat small card line. This line of cards has great greetings such as:
- Happy Birthday, you bastard! (inside -->) Seriously, though. You really are a bastard.
- Happy Birthday. I'll see you in hell. (inside -->) You heard me.
- Congrats on the new baby! (inside -->) And remember, teaching him cuss words is only fun for a little while.
Monday, May 31, 2010
Out and About in SoCal
As a recent transplant to Southern California, I get asked a lot about what kind of things have I seen and where have I been. People want to ensure that I get the full California experience, so they are always suggesting places to go and things to see. Many of you may be curious just what we've done while we've lived here and others may not give a crap. Well here is a blog about it anyway, so deal with it.
Universal Studios: I kinda like Universal Studios, but it is absolutely not worth the $75 to get in. Plus you have to pay like $15 for parking. Anyhoo, I go for the studio tour mainly, but some of the rides are fun. You're usually done with the park within about 2 hours, but hey it's really close to where we live.
Hollywood - Walk of Fame, Chinese Theatre, Freaks: Yes, you have to go at least once and that's about all you need for the rest of your life. It's cool to see, but it is crowded with tourists and filled with all sorts of crazies! People dressed up as comic book characters, cartoon characters, hollywood icons and some people just dressed up like weirdos. You can smell the desperation mixed in with car exhaust, sunscreen and BO.
Hollywood Bus Tour: The one we went on was pretty lame. I don't even remember one cool thing that we saw. The highlight of the tour was the El Pollo Loco where Brad Pitt once worked as a chicken. Seriously. The tour was crappy, but hey at least someone else was driving.
Griffith Park: I like Griffith Park. It's free and has the best views of the city. However, a gazillion people are there everyday so you have to park 2 miles down the mountain and hike up to the observatory. You do have a pretty good view of the Hollywood sign, though.
Sony Studios Tour: Ok, so we took this tour on a trip to LA several years ago, but I think it's worth a mention. I LOVED this tour! I don't remember the price, but I think it was pretty reasonable. Not many people know about this tour, so we only had like 6 of us in the tour group. This is a walking tour around Sony Studios. Because our group was small, our tour guide snuck us in to several working sound stages and other places not typically seen on the tour. It was awesome.
Warner Brothers Studio Tour: This one was kinda pricey, but I think we got a pretty good value for our money. Also, it's right by our house so we had to go. This is a mix between a tram and walking tour and you see a lot of stuff including just about all of their back lots. We even got to get out and explore some of the houses on the back lot and that was really cool.
Beverly Hills/Rodeo Drive: Meh. It's fancy and I guess that's cool, but clearly I can't afford anything there, so it's not that fun. Oh and there aren't any public bathrooms!! UGH! There is a Crumbs Cupcake shop, so that may be worth the trip.
The Jay Leno Show/Tonight Show: We've been several times cause it's really easy to get free tickets. However, you do have to wait in line for at least 2 hours and if you get there late you may not be seated. Anyway, it's neat to see and if you're lucky to go on a night with a really cool star, then it's definitely worth it. I do think Conan is WAY better still...
Santa Monica Pier and Beach: Parking sucks. It smells like fish. There's not much do on the actual pier. The beach is nice. And I guess that's about it.
Malibu: We ate at a nice restaurant right on the water and that was fun, but it was really windy at the beach so that didn't make it very enjoyable.
The Getty Center: Another free thing to do in LA. Well, the museum is free, but parking is like $10 or something. Pretty cool museum, if you're into museums, and a stunning building and location. I'm not much into museums, but it's cool to see that stuff at least once.
The Groundlings: This was great!! Tickets are pretty cheap and the show is hilarious. We even had a guest star in our show - Groundlings alum Mindy Sterling (Frau Farbissina in Austin Powers movies). She was hilarious! Anyway don't miss this one!
Several Theatres: The Falcon, The Colony, Glendale Centre Theatre, A Noise Within, Luna Playhouse...all pretty good shows!
Disneyland: Ok, so I really, really like Disneyland (and Disney world for that matter) and this trip didn't disappoint. If you are gonna go, especially from the Valley, go early on Sunday mornings. We shot on down there within 30 minutes on a route that takes at least 2 hours any other day of the week. Nearly $100 each for Disneyland and California Adventure, but I think it's worth it. We filled our day riding rides and only had one ride where we waited more than 20 minutes. It was great!
The Grilled Cheese Truck: Some people may scoff at this as an attraction or LA hot spot, but it is...for us anyway! This gourmet food truck travels around to a new destination everyday and serves up the best grilled cheese sandwiches ever! Mmmmmm....I had a brie with smoked turkey, pears and honey and it was fabulous! You can follow them on twitter to see where they are grilling on a particular day, so if ever they are in your neighborhood, be sure to go!!
And...I guess that's it so far. We still have a lot to see and do, like:
Universal Studios: I kinda like Universal Studios, but it is absolutely not worth the $75 to get in. Plus you have to pay like $15 for parking. Anyhoo, I go for the studio tour mainly, but some of the rides are fun. You're usually done with the park within about 2 hours, but hey it's really close to where we live.
Hollywood - Walk of Fame, Chinese Theatre, Freaks: Yes, you have to go at least once and that's about all you need for the rest of your life. It's cool to see, but it is crowded with tourists and filled with all sorts of crazies! People dressed up as comic book characters, cartoon characters, hollywood icons and some people just dressed up like weirdos. You can smell the desperation mixed in with car exhaust, sunscreen and BO.
Hollywood Bus Tour: The one we went on was pretty lame. I don't even remember one cool thing that we saw. The highlight of the tour was the El Pollo Loco where Brad Pitt once worked as a chicken. Seriously. The tour was crappy, but hey at least someone else was driving.
Griffith Park: I like Griffith Park. It's free and has the best views of the city. However, a gazillion people are there everyday so you have to park 2 miles down the mountain and hike up to the observatory. You do have a pretty good view of the Hollywood sign, though.
Sony Studios Tour: Ok, so we took this tour on a trip to LA several years ago, but I think it's worth a mention. I LOVED this tour! I don't remember the price, but I think it was pretty reasonable. Not many people know about this tour, so we only had like 6 of us in the tour group. This is a walking tour around Sony Studios. Because our group was small, our tour guide snuck us in to several working sound stages and other places not typically seen on the tour. It was awesome.
Warner Brothers Studio Tour: This one was kinda pricey, but I think we got a pretty good value for our money. Also, it's right by our house so we had to go. This is a mix between a tram and walking tour and you see a lot of stuff including just about all of their back lots. We even got to get out and explore some of the houses on the back lot and that was really cool.
Beverly Hills/Rodeo Drive: Meh. It's fancy and I guess that's cool, but clearly I can't afford anything there, so it's not that fun. Oh and there aren't any public bathrooms!! UGH! There is a Crumbs Cupcake shop, so that may be worth the trip.
The Jay Leno Show/Tonight Show: We've been several times cause it's really easy to get free tickets. However, you do have to wait in line for at least 2 hours and if you get there late you may not be seated. Anyway, it's neat to see and if you're lucky to go on a night with a really cool star, then it's definitely worth it. I do think Conan is WAY better still...
Santa Monica Pier and Beach: Parking sucks. It smells like fish. There's not much do on the actual pier. The beach is nice. And I guess that's about it.
Malibu: We ate at a nice restaurant right on the water and that was fun, but it was really windy at the beach so that didn't make it very enjoyable.
The Getty Center: Another free thing to do in LA. Well, the museum is free, but parking is like $10 or something. Pretty cool museum, if you're into museums, and a stunning building and location. I'm not much into museums, but it's cool to see that stuff at least once.
The Groundlings: This was great!! Tickets are pretty cheap and the show is hilarious. We even had a guest star in our show - Groundlings alum Mindy Sterling (Frau Farbissina in Austin Powers movies). She was hilarious! Anyway don't miss this one!
Several Theatres: The Falcon, The Colony, Glendale Centre Theatre, A Noise Within, Luna Playhouse...all pretty good shows!
Disneyland: Ok, so I really, really like Disneyland (and Disney world for that matter) and this trip didn't disappoint. If you are gonna go, especially from the Valley, go early on Sunday mornings. We shot on down there within 30 minutes on a route that takes at least 2 hours any other day of the week. Nearly $100 each for Disneyland and California Adventure, but I think it's worth it. We filled our day riding rides and only had one ride where we waited more than 20 minutes. It was great!
The Grilled Cheese Truck: Some people may scoff at this as an attraction or LA hot spot, but it is...for us anyway! This gourmet food truck travels around to a new destination everyday and serves up the best grilled cheese sandwiches ever! Mmmmmm....I had a brie with smoked turkey, pears and honey and it was fabulous! You can follow them on twitter to see where they are grilling on a particular day, so if ever they are in your neighborhood, be sure to go!!
And...I guess that's it so far. We still have a lot to see and do, like:
- Mulholland Drive
- San Diego
- Knotts Berry Farm
- Medieval Times
- Paramount Studios Tour
- LA Zoo
- Six Flags
- La Brea Tarpits
- And about 6 billion other things...
Friday, May 7, 2010
Mish Mash: a Quick Recap of April Events
So I really didn't post much in April and hey look, now it's already May 7th. April was kind of a weird month for me. A lot happened and very little happened. Very little happened in the way of auditioning and finding employment - at least for the first part of the month. A lot happened in way of life changes and traveling though. Here's a recap:
April 1-April 7: Did absolutely nothing but search for jobs and auditions all day, everyday.
April 8-April 12: Trip home to Denver!! Evan's family VERY generously flew us out to celebrate Evan's sister's birthday. We were only there for 4 days and we used every second we were there to visit family and catch up. It was extremely busy, but awesome and definitely much needed. I was so sad to have to come back to CA and so didn't want to leave.
April 15: My dear friend Brittney came out to Burbank to visit a school and we got to have lunch. I LOVED being able to spend that time with her, although it was rather brief. It was really great to have a friend out here!
April 16: My grandma passed away - 1 day after her 88th birthday after a long battle with Alzheimer's. This prompted an immediate trip home to CO the next day.
April 17-April 21: Flew home in order to drive out to Kansas (6.5 hours) the very next day. It was lovely to see family again even though it wasn't under very pleasant circumstances. There was a rosary, funeral and burial service for my grandma which were all full of tears and great memories. My grandma was a truly classy and refined woman who had devout faith and endless love and support for her family. Unfortunately, my grandma was stripped away from us several years ago by trauma-induced Alzheimer's. As awful as this may sound, I had been slowly saying good-bye to her over the past few years which made her actual funeral a fraction easier to handle. She is now at rest beside my grandpa and I know those two are whooping it up in heaven - eating ice cream cones, my grandma's awesome fried chicken and still trying to solve those pesky Wheel of Fortune puzzles. :) We drove back home to CO on Wednesday.
April 22-23: Still in Colorado because my brother and his wife were expecting their 2nd baby!! Funny the way life works out. I wasn't going to be able to be present for his birth, but because I was already there for the funeral, I could now see my brand new nephew. Landon Riley was born on April 23rd via c-section and was small, but healthy. He was born with a full head of hair just like his brother and even seems to have the exact same calm temperament. I think they may have had twins 5 years apart. :) I only got to see Landon for a few minutes before leaving to catch my flight back to CA. Can't wait to see him again when we visit in June.
April 24-27: Not...a lot....going....on.
April 28: Finally, FINALLY my first real audition!!!!!!! Nearly 6 months in and I had an audition for a TLC show called "Born on a Bad Day." It's a reality/re inaction show about real women who gave birth in crazy situations. I was called in to audition because I kinda looked like the real person in the scenario they were recreating. I was given a scene that I had to improv dialogue to. It was pretty fun and easy and of course made me crave for more auditions. Nothing came of this audition, but I was happy to be given the opportunity to try.
And now here we are, already in May. Oy, how time flies. Still looking for a job that doesn't make me miserable and still trying to get more auditions. It's a never ending cycle. Oh and it's starting to get pretty hot here. We're trying to be strong and not turn on our AC yet, but it's just a short matter of time before we give in to refrigerated air.
On a different note entirely, many of you know that an old friend of mine is in critical condition in Colorado. He suffered a brain aneurysm and has been in a medically induced coma for a few days. I plan to dedicate another blog post to my fun and quirky memories of him once he fully recovers and is able to re-live those memories with me. Keep fighting, Jason! I know you are gonna pull through and become stronger than ever!!
April 1-April 7: Did absolutely nothing but search for jobs and auditions all day, everyday.
April 8-April 12: Trip home to Denver!! Evan's family VERY generously flew us out to celebrate Evan's sister's birthday. We were only there for 4 days and we used every second we were there to visit family and catch up. It was extremely busy, but awesome and definitely much needed. I was so sad to have to come back to CA and so didn't want to leave.
April 15: My dear friend Brittney came out to Burbank to visit a school and we got to have lunch. I LOVED being able to spend that time with her, although it was rather brief. It was really great to have a friend out here!
April 16: My grandma passed away - 1 day after her 88th birthday after a long battle with Alzheimer's. This prompted an immediate trip home to CO the next day.
April 17-April 21: Flew home in order to drive out to Kansas (6.5 hours) the very next day. It was lovely to see family again even though it wasn't under very pleasant circumstances. There was a rosary, funeral and burial service for my grandma which were all full of tears and great memories. My grandma was a truly classy and refined woman who had devout faith and endless love and support for her family. Unfortunately, my grandma was stripped away from us several years ago by trauma-induced Alzheimer's. As awful as this may sound, I had been slowly saying good-bye to her over the past few years which made her actual funeral a fraction easier to handle. She is now at rest beside my grandpa and I know those two are whooping it up in heaven - eating ice cream cones, my grandma's awesome fried chicken and still trying to solve those pesky Wheel of Fortune puzzles. :) We drove back home to CO on Wednesday.
April 24-27: Not...a lot....going....on.
April 28: Finally, FINALLY my first real audition!!!!!!! Nearly 6 months in and I had an audition for a TLC show called "Born on a Bad Day." It's a reality/re inaction show about real women who gave birth in crazy situations. I was called in to audition because I kinda looked like the real person in the scenario they were recreating. I was given a scene that I had to improv dialogue to. It was pretty fun and easy and of course made me crave for more auditions. Nothing came of this audition, but I was happy to be given the opportunity to try.
And now here we are, already in May. Oy, how time flies. Still looking for a job that doesn't make me miserable and still trying to get more auditions. It's a never ending cycle. Oh and it's starting to get pretty hot here. We're trying to be strong and not turn on our AC yet, but it's just a short matter of time before we give in to refrigerated air.
On a different note entirely, many of you know that an old friend of mine is in critical condition in Colorado. He suffered a brain aneurysm and has been in a medically induced coma for a few days. I plan to dedicate another blog post to my fun and quirky memories of him once he fully recovers and is able to re-live those memories with me. Keep fighting, Jason! I know you are gonna pull through and become stronger than ever!!
Monday, April 26, 2010
An Evan Adventure: Random Movie Reviews!
Boredom is a dangerous thing. So when Linda abandoned me went out of town this past week, I needed something to fill my time. Luckily, I just discovered that I can stream Netflix movies directly into my TV. Hooray! So I found a bunch of movies that I hadn’t seen ever, movies I hadn’t seen in a while, and/or movies Linda would have very little interest in seeing. I watched 20 movies in 7 days, and because you care, here are my mini-reviews of each:
Zombieland (2009)- Starring Woody Harrelson as himself and the poor man’s Michael Cera/Shia LeBuef. The scene at Bill Murray’s house in the second act is worth the admission.
Kick-Ass (2010)- Went to the theatre for this one. I worry that I’m becoming desensitized to hyper-violence. When the little girl chops a man’s head off, I wondered to myself “how does her wig stay on?”
Roxanne (1987)- I don’t know if anyone else caught this, but they totally ripped off the play Cyrano de Bergerac. Edmond Rostand should sue them for royalties.
Looney Tunes: Back in Action (2003)- I don’t know why I watched this (all the way through no less). It’s bad when you think to yourself, “You know what would make this movie better? Michael Jordan.” He actually makes a cameo, and you know what? Didn’t help.
The Mighty Ducks (1992)- Re-watching this made me feel bad for the Ducks that got cut from the team between sequels. All for the sake of bringing in Kenan Thompson. Also, it dawned on me that the guy playing the lovable old man, Hans, is played by the same actor who played the villain in Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey. No way? Way.
The Producers (2005)- They should turn this into a staged musical. Yep. That would be a much better format for this.
3 Ninjas (1992)- This used to be a favorite of mine when I was nine. Re-watching in 2010, however, did not go so well. This movie was touted to be a mix of Home Alone and Ninja Turtles. The difference is that Macaulay Culkin and the Turtles weren’t complete idiots and could actually be effective. Three men with guns assault your babysitter and intend to kidnap you. What do you do? Call the police? No. Use your ninja training to actually hurt them? No. The 3 Ninjas decide to simply annoy them! How? By throwing CDs at them, by making them slip on jelly beans and oil, by throwing pepper in their eyes, and by feeding them ex lax. And at no point do they even think about taking the kidnapper’s guns. I’ve never yelled so much at fictional characters in my life.
3 Ninjas: Kick Back (1994)- Yeah, I know. But there were so many unanswered questions from the first film. Shameful confession: if 3 Ninjas: Knuckle Up was on Netflix’s Watch Instantly, I probably would’ve watched that too. But I would’ve drawn the line at watching 3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain. Probably.
Pineapple Express (2008)- Wow, Seth Rogen really likes playing that one character, doesn’t he?
Innerspace (1987)- Martin Short as a semi-serious leading man is strange. Very strange. At least he found a way to incorporate his patented Ed Grimley dance.
Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure (1985)- So is Pee-Wee Herman a tall child? Or a very eccentric adult? I’m hoping for the latter, otherwise he has some very negligent parents. The whole thing made me sad for the Pee-Wee Herman/Ernest P. Worrell cross-over movie that will never be.
The Chronic(what)cles of Narnia: Prince Caspian (2008)- Eddie Izzard’s voice in a small warrior mouse is slightly off-putting.
Drop Dead Fred (1991)- Most imaginary friends are harmless. Drop Dead Fred is not. He tracks poop on carpets, puts Lizzie’s dad in jail, sinks a boat, chops off hair in the night, etc. So either Lizzie is completely sociopathic and uses this imaginary being as a scapegoat for her own bad behavior or Fred is some sort of actual demon that is able to manipulate her into doing his bidding. Either way, she needs much more help than a love interest with an earring can provide.
House Bunny (2008)- I’m pretty certain Collin Hanks will always look like a 15 year old boy.
You Don’t Mess With The Zohan (2008)- The mean corporation wants to shut the hair salon down so they can build a giant mall. I would think that all they’d have to do is mention to the city that Zohan is charging women to have sex with him. It might’ve saved them the trouble of hiring Dave Mathews as a henchman.
Labyrinth (1986)- This movie is full of neat and innovative ideas that stand the test of time. David Bowie in tight tights is not one of them.
The Wizard (1989)- Famous for the debut of Super Mario 3 to the general public. This movie made me want to go out and buy a Nintendo Power Glove, though I resisted the urge. Bonus: at the end of the movie there is an appearance of a young Tobey Maguire with a horrible 1989 haircut.
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)- I’ve realized that it’s not Kirsten Dunst’s fault that she’s a bad actress. I think she’s naturally that way and there isn’t anything she can do about it.
Nick & Nora’s Infinite Playlist (2008)- I really liked it, but think I’ll like it better when they call it Scott Pilgrim.
Being John Malkovich (1999)- Catherine Keener is a fine actress who has never played a character that I’ve sympathized with or even cared about what happens to. Is it her? Or is it me?
Congratulations to the actors that coincidentally appeared in more than one movie on my schizophrenic list: Steve Martin (Roxanne and Looney Tunes), Emma Stone (Zombieland and House Bunny), Kat Dennings (House Bunny and Nick & Nora) and Kevin Corrigan (Pineapple Express and Nick & Nora). Special mention to Cabazon Dinosaurs for being a major set piece in both Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure and The Wizard.
Respectfully submitted,
Evan Gray Marquez
Zombieland (2009)- Starring Woody Harrelson as himself and the poor man’s Michael Cera/Shia LeBuef. The scene at Bill Murray’s house in the second act is worth the admission.
Kick-Ass (2010)- Went to the theatre for this one. I worry that I’m becoming desensitized to hyper-violence. When the little girl chops a man’s head off, I wondered to myself “how does her wig stay on?”
Roxanne (1987)- I don’t know if anyone else caught this, but they totally ripped off the play Cyrano de Bergerac. Edmond Rostand should sue them for royalties.
Looney Tunes: Back in Action (2003)- I don’t know why I watched this (all the way through no less). It’s bad when you think to yourself, “You know what would make this movie better? Michael Jordan.” He actually makes a cameo, and you know what? Didn’t help.
The Mighty Ducks (1992)- Re-watching this made me feel bad for the Ducks that got cut from the team between sequels. All for the sake of bringing in Kenan Thompson. Also, it dawned on me that the guy playing the lovable old man, Hans, is played by the same actor who played the villain in Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey. No way? Way.
The Producers (2005)- They should turn this into a staged musical. Yep. That would be a much better format for this.
3 Ninjas (1992)- This used to be a favorite of mine when I was nine. Re-watching in 2010, however, did not go so well. This movie was touted to be a mix of Home Alone and Ninja Turtles. The difference is that Macaulay Culkin and the Turtles weren’t complete idiots and could actually be effective. Three men with guns assault your babysitter and intend to kidnap you. What do you do? Call the police? No. Use your ninja training to actually hurt them? No. The 3 Ninjas decide to simply annoy them! How? By throwing CDs at them, by making them slip on jelly beans and oil, by throwing pepper in their eyes, and by feeding them ex lax. And at no point do they even think about taking the kidnapper’s guns. I’ve never yelled so much at fictional characters in my life.
3 Ninjas: Kick Back (1994)- Yeah, I know. But there were so many unanswered questions from the first film. Shameful confession: if 3 Ninjas: Knuckle Up was on Netflix’s Watch Instantly, I probably would’ve watched that too. But I would’ve drawn the line at watching 3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain. Probably.
Pineapple Express (2008)- Wow, Seth Rogen really likes playing that one character, doesn’t he?
Innerspace (1987)- Martin Short as a semi-serious leading man is strange. Very strange. At least he found a way to incorporate his patented Ed Grimley dance.
Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure (1985)- So is Pee-Wee Herman a tall child? Or a very eccentric adult? I’m hoping for the latter, otherwise he has some very negligent parents. The whole thing made me sad for the Pee-Wee Herman/Ernest P. Worrell cross-over movie that will never be.
The Chronic(what)cles of Narnia: Prince Caspian (2008)- Eddie Izzard’s voice in a small warrior mouse is slightly off-putting.
Drop Dead Fred (1991)- Most imaginary friends are harmless. Drop Dead Fred is not. He tracks poop on carpets, puts Lizzie’s dad in jail, sinks a boat, chops off hair in the night, etc. So either Lizzie is completely sociopathic and uses this imaginary being as a scapegoat for her own bad behavior or Fred is some sort of actual demon that is able to manipulate her into doing his bidding. Either way, she needs much more help than a love interest with an earring can provide.
House Bunny (2008)- I’m pretty certain Collin Hanks will always look like a 15 year old boy.
You Don’t Mess With The Zohan (2008)- The mean corporation wants to shut the hair salon down so they can build a giant mall. I would think that all they’d have to do is mention to the city that Zohan is charging women to have sex with him. It might’ve saved them the trouble of hiring Dave Mathews as a henchman.
Labyrinth (1986)- This movie is full of neat and innovative ideas that stand the test of time. David Bowie in tight tights is not one of them.
The Wizard (1989)- Famous for the debut of Super Mario 3 to the general public. This movie made me want to go out and buy a Nintendo Power Glove, though I resisted the urge. Bonus: at the end of the movie there is an appearance of a young Tobey Maguire with a horrible 1989 haircut.
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)- I’ve realized that it’s not Kirsten Dunst’s fault that she’s a bad actress. I think she’s naturally that way and there isn’t anything she can do about it.
Nick & Nora’s Infinite Playlist (2008)- I really liked it, but think I’ll like it better when they call it Scott Pilgrim.
Being John Malkovich (1999)- Catherine Keener is a fine actress who has never played a character that I’ve sympathized with or even cared about what happens to. Is it her? Or is it me?
Congratulations to the actors that coincidentally appeared in more than one movie on my schizophrenic list: Steve Martin (Roxanne and Looney Tunes), Emma Stone (Zombieland and House Bunny), Kat Dennings (House Bunny and Nick & Nora) and Kevin Corrigan (Pineapple Express and Nick & Nora). Special mention to Cabazon Dinosaurs for being a major set piece in both Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure and The Wizard.
Respectfully submitted,
Evan Gray Marquez
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
The Scam That is The Entertainment Business
Ok, maybe the word "scam" is a bit harsh, but I still think it's fitting. There is no other profession that requires potential applicants to spend so much money just to be considered for a job. If you had to spend $25 a month just to send in a resume for a company, you would think, "WTF this is a huge scam!" If you were required to get your business cards and resumes reprinted, professional touched up and completely redone every few months just to stay current in the workplace, there would be a huge revolt or legislation passed to end this oppressing practice. Well let me just tell you how scammy the entertainment world can be...at least from a newbie prospective.
Headshots:
I have had my headshots taken 4 times over the course of 10 years. And 2 of those times within the past year. An actor simply MUST have headshots in order to be taken seriously at all. And in LA, they better be the best damn picture of yourself that can ever be taken. Headshot sessions can range from $100-400+ just for the photo session. Then, out of that you may only get access to 1 or 2 of your final pictures. I was uber lucky this past time and stumbled upon a sweet deal with an awesome photographer. Luckily, the shots turned out amazing!
This past time I paid: $100 for the headshots + $100 for a makeup artist = $200
I should expect to get my headshots redone every year, if not sooner.
Headshot Printing:
Oy, printing is so damn expensive. There are lots of places to get your headshot 8x10 printed and they range wildly in prices. Oh, and for those that don't know, for every audition you go to, you always need to bring at least 1 printed headshot and resume. Some places, like shutterfly, will charge $4 per 8x10, plus shipping. Then there are places like Reproductions that charge $60 for 50 headshots (of the same picture) plus a $18 set up free. I've kinda bunked the system and said screw 8x10s, I'll just print out letter size headshots cause I can get those for real cheap. However, that is clearly not industry standard and you can end up looking like an idiot when yours is the only one in the pile of headshots that is bigger than everyone elses. But I'm all about CHEAP! So I get mine printed at VistaPrint.com and then spray glue my resume on the back whenever I go to an audition.
25 headshots: $15 plus shipping.(I always have a Vistaprint coupon)
ActorsAccess:
ActorsAccess is a version of Breakdown Services available to actors. Breakdown Services is where agents and managers receive breakdowns of all the different things that are casting so they can submit their clients. ActorsAccess is a fee based membership that actors (those who don't have agents or those who just like to take matters into their own hands) sign up in order to submit themselves for various projects. ActorsAccess is one of the few reputable places that does this, so don't be fooled by MANY of the other websites that claim to offer this service, most of them are scams. Note: Not all projects are open to ActorsAccess members. In fact, the vast majority of breakdowns, including most major ones, are only available to agents. Anyway, there are 2 ways to go about this. You can pay a yearly membership fee or pay $2.00 for ever role you submit to.
I pay the yearly membership fee: $68/year
Photos and Video on ActorsAccess
This is where they really get you. AA allows you to have 2 photos in your profile for free. If you want to add an additional photo, it's $10 per picture! I haven't done this, I only use the 2 free ones. The video part is truly frustrating. First, if you already have a demo reel of your work, you can upload it to AA for $50 for the first minute. If your demo is longer than 1 minute, plan on spending $22 per additional minute!! Now, say down the road you add a clip to your demo reel and want to replace the video on AA, well not so fast it's $22/minute to replace your reel. UGH! This is something that's in the works for me and I will eventually have to pay these outrageous fees. Why is a demo reel important you ask? Well, for one it sells you a lot better than just a still photograph. And second, a HUGE second, is that those actors with a reel in their profile, automatically go to the top of the list of people submitting. So, casting directors will see the people with reels first even if they submitted days after you. And with potentially thousands of people submitting for the same role, it certainly pays to be at the top of the list.
Future costs: $50 for a demo reel, $22 for an additional minute = $72
LACasting:
Exact same service as ActorsAccess with a slightly different set-up. This too has a version that is only available to agents and this is where my commercial agent submits me for things. However, just like AA, it has a service available for actors to self-submit to projects. Since my agent is only for commercials, I need to self submit for TV and film. I recently joined this service because I wanted to make sure I was submitting to everything I could. This membership is monthly, plus fees for pictures and video.
Monthly membership: $9.95/month
Photographs: You get 1 free one. Then if you need to change that picture or add more, they start charging you. $25 for the first additional picture and then $15 per picture after that. = $40
Video: If you want to add your reel, they charge you $5/month. I haven't done this yet.
Backstage West Subscription:
Backstage is a magazine that has lots of entertainment stuff in it, but we primarily use it for auditions. It's mostly for theatre (and much, much bigger in NYC) but there are also some indie and student film auditions here. While they do have a way to submit through their website, often times there is an email address where you send your headshot and resume for an audition. Evan finds a lot of his theatre auditions here.
Monthly online only subscription: $17/mo
Classes:
Of course classes are all different and can vary in quality. In LA, there is absolutely no shortage of people willing to take your money to teach you something. You really have to do your research to make sure you're taking a good class and that it's worth your money. Because I hate to drive, I narrowed my class search to only ones in Burbank. Luckily, I picked 2 that are awesome and very different from each other. Still kinda pricey though.
Eastin Studios: Awesome class tought by a real hollywood veteran. In fact, if you saw Up in the Air, Steve Eastin was the guy who got fired by Anna Kendrick over the computer. He also has an IMDB page that's about 5 pages long. He's awesome and his class is unlike anything I've ever experienced.
I pay: $195 for 4 classes. Classes are once a week. (I've taken a few weeks off from this class because I started another and I am waiting before I spend another two hundred bucks. But I do intend on going back)
Weist Barron Hill: I take a commercial acting class here and I really like it. It teaches everything from the very basics to nailing the audition. I love that I learn things that I just wouldn't think matter that actually affect casting decisions.
I pay: $225 for 10 classes. Classes are once a week.
Other things I could pay for, but I refuse...at least I refuse right now:
-Casting Director Showcases: this is where you go and perform in front of casting directors and sometimes agents in order to be seen. Who knows if the people attending this things are legit, but they are everywhere and they charge actors anywhere from $100-300 to attend!
-Dues Paying Memberships at Theatres: There seem to be a lot of theatre's around that have memberships. This means there is this pool of actors that are considered for each show because they PAY to be a part of the membership. This is insane to me. If it guaranteed me a role, then maybe I'd pay a tiny amount, but just to be considered? You've got to be kidding me.
-Then of course are all the super scammy agents and managers that require you to take their classes, use their photographers and so on (to get a kick-back of course) and then take much more than the usual 10% agents take from the work you book. And yes, I have been approached by these people. Thankfully, I've done my research and know to stay far away.
Then there are the other miscellaneous things like gas, parking, postage (mailing headshots to agents, casting directors, etc) and whatever else that will certainly add up. Speaking of add up, let's get a total, shall we? So since I've been in LA here is what I've spent:
GRAND TOTAL: $848.00! (not including future costs to add my reel)
And let's remember that I've only been here 6 months. There are people that have been at it for decades! So where has all this blown cash gotten me...absolutely NO WHERE!! I have not had 1 real audition since I've been out here. In fact, I've only auditioned for 2 things: a student film and some random indie where I was the only one who showed up. And the sad part is, that this is how it's done. Until you have any real credits, no agent will look at you. And you can't get any real credits without doing all the things I've been doing. Well unless you are the son or daughter of a celebrity or just insanely lucky. Sigh...and when you think that it costs crazy amounts of money just to live in CA and there are thousands, upon thousands of gorgeous and talented people competing against you, it's really easy to get depressed and bitter quick. I'm not down and out quite yet, but putting all the costs and (lack of) rewards down really puts things in perspective. Ugh. Someday when I book a national commercial that pays $2,000 for a day's work, then I'm sure my tune will change. :)
Headshots:
I have had my headshots taken 4 times over the course of 10 years. And 2 of those times within the past year. An actor simply MUST have headshots in order to be taken seriously at all. And in LA, they better be the best damn picture of yourself that can ever be taken. Headshot sessions can range from $100-400+ just for the photo session. Then, out of that you may only get access to 1 or 2 of your final pictures. I was uber lucky this past time and stumbled upon a sweet deal with an awesome photographer. Luckily, the shots turned out amazing!
This past time I paid: $100 for the headshots + $100 for a makeup artist = $200
I should expect to get my headshots redone every year, if not sooner.
Headshot Printing:
Oy, printing is so damn expensive. There are lots of places to get your headshot 8x10 printed and they range wildly in prices. Oh, and for those that don't know, for every audition you go to, you always need to bring at least 1 printed headshot and resume. Some places, like shutterfly, will charge $4 per 8x10, plus shipping. Then there are places like Reproductions that charge $60 for 50 headshots (of the same picture) plus a $18 set up free. I've kinda bunked the system and said screw 8x10s, I'll just print out letter size headshots cause I can get those for real cheap. However, that is clearly not industry standard and you can end up looking like an idiot when yours is the only one in the pile of headshots that is bigger than everyone elses. But I'm all about CHEAP! So I get mine printed at VistaPrint.com and then spray glue my resume on the back whenever I go to an audition.
25 headshots: $15 plus shipping.(I always have a Vistaprint coupon)
ActorsAccess:
ActorsAccess is a version of Breakdown Services available to actors. Breakdown Services is where agents and managers receive breakdowns of all the different things that are casting so they can submit their clients. ActorsAccess is a fee based membership that actors (those who don't have agents or those who just like to take matters into their own hands) sign up in order to submit themselves for various projects. ActorsAccess is one of the few reputable places that does this, so don't be fooled by MANY of the other websites that claim to offer this service, most of them are scams. Note: Not all projects are open to ActorsAccess members. In fact, the vast majority of breakdowns, including most major ones, are only available to agents. Anyway, there are 2 ways to go about this. You can pay a yearly membership fee or pay $2.00 for ever role you submit to.
I pay the yearly membership fee: $68/year
Photos and Video on ActorsAccess
This is where they really get you. AA allows you to have 2 photos in your profile for free. If you want to add an additional photo, it's $10 per picture! I haven't done this, I only use the 2 free ones. The video part is truly frustrating. First, if you already have a demo reel of your work, you can upload it to AA for $50 for the first minute. If your demo is longer than 1 minute, plan on spending $22 per additional minute!! Now, say down the road you add a clip to your demo reel and want to replace the video on AA, well not so fast it's $22/minute to replace your reel. UGH! This is something that's in the works for me and I will eventually have to pay these outrageous fees. Why is a demo reel important you ask? Well, for one it sells you a lot better than just a still photograph. And second, a HUGE second, is that those actors with a reel in their profile, automatically go to the top of the list of people submitting. So, casting directors will see the people with reels first even if they submitted days after you. And with potentially thousands of people submitting for the same role, it certainly pays to be at the top of the list.
Future costs: $50 for a demo reel, $22 for an additional minute = $72
LACasting:
Exact same service as ActorsAccess with a slightly different set-up. This too has a version that is only available to agents and this is where my commercial agent submits me for things. However, just like AA, it has a service available for actors to self-submit to projects. Since my agent is only for commercials, I need to self submit for TV and film. I recently joined this service because I wanted to make sure I was submitting to everything I could. This membership is monthly, plus fees for pictures and video.
Monthly membership: $9.95/month
Photographs: You get 1 free one. Then if you need to change that picture or add more, they start charging you. $25 for the first additional picture and then $15 per picture after that. = $40
Video: If you want to add your reel, they charge you $5/month. I haven't done this yet.
Backstage West Subscription:
Backstage is a magazine that has lots of entertainment stuff in it, but we primarily use it for auditions. It's mostly for theatre (and much, much bigger in NYC) but there are also some indie and student film auditions here. While they do have a way to submit through their website, often times there is an email address where you send your headshot and resume for an audition. Evan finds a lot of his theatre auditions here.
Monthly online only subscription: $17/mo
Classes:
Of course classes are all different and can vary in quality. In LA, there is absolutely no shortage of people willing to take your money to teach you something. You really have to do your research to make sure you're taking a good class and that it's worth your money. Because I hate to drive, I narrowed my class search to only ones in Burbank. Luckily, I picked 2 that are awesome and very different from each other. Still kinda pricey though.
Eastin Studios: Awesome class tought by a real hollywood veteran. In fact, if you saw Up in the Air, Steve Eastin was the guy who got fired by Anna Kendrick over the computer. He also has an IMDB page that's about 5 pages long. He's awesome and his class is unlike anything I've ever experienced.
I pay: $195 for 4 classes. Classes are once a week. (I've taken a few weeks off from this class because I started another and I am waiting before I spend another two hundred bucks. But I do intend on going back)
Weist Barron Hill: I take a commercial acting class here and I really like it. It teaches everything from the very basics to nailing the audition. I love that I learn things that I just wouldn't think matter that actually affect casting decisions.
I pay: $225 for 10 classes. Classes are once a week.
Other things I could pay for, but I refuse...at least I refuse right now:
-Casting Director Showcases: this is where you go and perform in front of casting directors and sometimes agents in order to be seen. Who knows if the people attending this things are legit, but they are everywhere and they charge actors anywhere from $100-300 to attend!
-Dues Paying Memberships at Theatres: There seem to be a lot of theatre's around that have memberships. This means there is this pool of actors that are considered for each show because they PAY to be a part of the membership. This is insane to me. If it guaranteed me a role, then maybe I'd pay a tiny amount, but just to be considered? You've got to be kidding me.
-Then of course are all the super scammy agents and managers that require you to take their classes, use their photographers and so on (to get a kick-back of course) and then take much more than the usual 10% agents take from the work you book. And yes, I have been approached by these people. Thankfully, I've done my research and know to stay far away.
Then there are the other miscellaneous things like gas, parking, postage (mailing headshots to agents, casting directors, etc) and whatever else that will certainly add up. Speaking of add up, let's get a total, shall we? So since I've been in LA here is what I've spent:
GRAND TOTAL: $848.00! (not including future costs to add my reel)
And let's remember that I've only been here 6 months. There are people that have been at it for decades! So where has all this blown cash gotten me...absolutely NO WHERE!! I have not had 1 real audition since I've been out here. In fact, I've only auditioned for 2 things: a student film and some random indie where I was the only one who showed up. And the sad part is, that this is how it's done. Until you have any real credits, no agent will look at you. And you can't get any real credits without doing all the things I've been doing. Well unless you are the son or daughter of a celebrity or just insanely lucky. Sigh...and when you think that it costs crazy amounts of money just to live in CA and there are thousands, upon thousands of gorgeous and talented people competing against you, it's really easy to get depressed and bitter quick. I'm not down and out quite yet, but putting all the costs and (lack of) rewards down really puts things in perspective. Ugh. Someday when I book a national commercial that pays $2,000 for a day's work, then I'm sure my tune will change. :)
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